Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
