Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
