I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
