she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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