shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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