i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
