Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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