I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
