I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
