I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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