I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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