even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
