So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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