My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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