The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
