This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
