Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
