he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
