I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
