there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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