she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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