Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
