all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
