dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
