Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
