she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
