My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
