he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
