Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Someone came in the potted fern
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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