I cannot find my penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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