And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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