it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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