if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
