So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
