Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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