I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
