i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
