at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
