When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
P.S. I can't hear my feet
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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