Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
