so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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