what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
