does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
