I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize