Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize