She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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