this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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