So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
