remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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