"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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