I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
