we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
