I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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