Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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