So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
