just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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