I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
