i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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