We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
