I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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