Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
