Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
