My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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