just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
