I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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