I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
