why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
