at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
