grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
