Porn is love you can see.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
